


Three-Way Whatchamacallit

by thebasement_archivist



Category: Millennium (TV), The X-Files
Genre: Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-30
Updated: 1999-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-20 19:30:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11341830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: No plot.





	Three-Way Whatchamacallit

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Three-Way Whatchimacallit by Halrloprillalar

DISTRIBUTION: OK for Archive/X, Ferret Cage & the Socks Shoppe. Elsewhere by permission. Email forwarding OK.  
RATING: Slash, R for M/M sexual situations.  
SPOILERS: Vague mentions up to around 2F/1S. Vague third season Millennium.  
SUMMARY: Spender/Pendrell/Baldwin. No plot.  
DISCLAIMER: Millennium and the X-Files are owned by Chris Carter, 1013, and Fox.  
MORE FIC: http://come.to/prillalar  
Cotton candy fic, existing purely to titillate. No real consistency, but, hey, it's fat free. Brought to you by BCTel and Ashley MacIsaac.  
Spender for Drovar, Pendrell for CiCi, Baldwin for me.  
April 1999

* * *

Three-Way Whatchimacallit  
(and may I be forgiven)  
by Halrloprillalar <>

Spender rang the bell, then waited on the doorstep, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. He heard someone coming up the walk and turned to look.

"Barry?" It was Baldwin. With a bottle of wine.

"Jeff? What are you doing here?"

"What am *I* doing here? When I asked you if you wanted to go out tonight, you told me you had to work on a case."

Baldwin shifted uncomfortably. "Well, it is about a case, sort of."

"Yeah, sure." Spender peered at the wine label. "And that's the bottle I left at your place last week!"

"I thought it was a gift. And just what *are* you doing here?"

"I have a date. At least I didn't make other plans until you'd already turned me down."

Baldwin looked puzzled. "Your date lives here too?"

The door opened and Pendrell leaned out. "Sorry, I was -- oh my God." He passed a hand over his eyes. "I double-booked. Better come in, guys." As they entered, Baldwin handed Pendrell the wine. "Thanks. That's a good vintage."

"You're welcome," said Spender, sourly.

They settled in the living room, Spender and Baldwin on opposite ends of the couch, Pendrell in an armchair. The cat took one look and streaked out the door. "Guys, I am so sorry," Pendrell said. "This has never happened to me before. I lost my Palm Pilot and now I'm keeping all my appointments the old fashioned way, in my digital watch. So I guess I got mixed up."

Spender looked at Baldwin. Baldwin looked at Spender. Geek, their eyebrows said, secure in the superiority of their DeadTree DayTimers.

"So, anyway, this is really awkward and I'm a little nervous." Flushed and jittery, Pendrell stood up and paced the room a bit. "I forgot to introduce you...Jeff, this is--"

"We've met," they chorused, then glanced at one another again, unsure just what emotion was appropriate in this situation.

"You have?" Pendrell sat back down. "You mean professionally?"

"No," Baldwin said. "We...see each other." He smiled at Spender.

"Yeah, quite a lot, actually." Remembering their last date, Spender smiled a dreamy smile of his own.

Pendrell began to sputter. "You mean...you two are running around behind my back?"

"Yes," Baldwin said and Spender started to laugh. Baldwin's smile got broader and broader until he was laughing too. "Running around." He punched Spender in the shoulder.

"Behind his back!" Bonelessly, Spender sagged lower on the couch, stomach beginning to hurt from hilarity. "Mr Oh-My-God-I-Double-Booked thinks we're two-timing him."

Staring at them, Pendrell blushed redder and redder, saying nothing.

"Jeff, do you know what I think?" Baldwin leaned over towards Spender.

Spender met him in the middle, close enough to feel the other man's breath on his face. "Don't I always?" Unable to resist, he kissed the tip of Baldwin's nose. A gurgle came from the arm chair. "Barry, do you suppose that means he wants to watch?" Without waiting for an answer, he stole a deep kiss, then looked at Pendrell, who seemed about to explode. "Don't you think he's cute when he gets mad?"

"He's cute all the time." Baldwin sat up a little and held out one hand. "Come on, Dan, we'll double-time you."

"Double-time!" Spender started to giggle. "Yeah, baby, come on. When life gives you two dates, make a menage."

Still blushing, but now grinning, Pendrell dropped onto the couch between them. Both men tussled at him, but in the end it was Baldwin who drew Pendrell into the first long kiss. Spender slid his arm across Pendrell's belly until his fingers touched Baldwin's side. He caressed both men and buried his face in Pendrell's neck and shoulder, nibbling and sucking at the soft skin. A hand covered his, fingers twining, another hand stroked his thigh, up, down, high, higher.

Pendrell turned his head and Spender seized his chance to catch that soft mouth, to probe its slippery slide with his tongue. Pulling back, Pendrell took him with one short, sharp gasp of a kiss after another, biting at his lips. Spender felt his hand being lifted, fingers being sucked in, nipped, licked, and he moaned between the kisses. They both knew just how to drive him crazy. Then Pendrell drew away again and turned his attentions back to Baldwin.

Catching his breath, Spender nuzzled Pendrell's ear, the hair just behind it, kissed his way down to the nape of Pendrell's neck. His hand scrabbled with the buttons on Baldwin's shirt, finally got a few open, touched the warm skin inside. Then someone moved and someone kissed and they jostled and stroked and shifted. Spender found himself on his back across their laps, pinned by Baldwin's mouth -- nobody kissed like Barry -- and Pendrell's hands opening his shirt. He wondered what it would be like to be kissed by Baldwin while Pendrell sucked him off. Hoped he'd get the chance to find out. Speculated if they could do that in a position where he could fist both their cocks at once.

Pendrell had Spender's belt unbuckled and Spender fumbled to do the same for Baldwin, but it was so very awkward. Damn, he thought, this three-way thing is harder than you'd expect. Someone cleared his throat. And cleared it again. "Having a party without me?"

They all stopped short and turned to see. A black hole of a man stood there, dark, dangerous, bending everything towards himself.

"Alex!" Spender and Pendrell said together.

Krycek sank into the armchair and put his boots up on the coffee table. "Don't let me disturb you."

"I wasn't expecting you," Pendrell said.

"Nobody expects me." Krycek stretched, catlike, and put one arm behind his head. "I just appear. Don't I, Jeff?"

"Sometimes." Spender didn't quite manage to keep a hint of petulance out of his voice. He pulled himself off the row of knees and sat up on the couch.

"Oh God." Baldwin shook his head. "You guys are *three-timing* me."

"Hey, who's the new boy?" Krycek gave Baldwin the once over.

Pendrell did the honours. "Special Agent Barry Baldwin -- Multiple Agent Alex Krycek."

"And 'multiple' applies to so many things," Krycek purred. "C'mere, baby, and let me meet you properly." He stood and walked over to the couch.

Baldwin stood too, resting his hands on his hips, arms akimbo. "I don't really think you're my type, Mr Krycek."

"Wait, I know your name from somewhere...Peter talked about you. Said some very good things about you." Raising his eyebrows, Baldwin dropped his arms, but still didn't move. "So, come on, Barry, just a kiss."

Glancing from the men on the couch, back to Krycek, Baldwin shrugged. "When in Athens..." He stepped into Krycek's embrace.

"Clash of the Titans," Spender whispered to Pendrell.

"I think Barry's finally met his match."

"Not a chance. Alex has no idea what he's getting into here."

"Alex? You're pretty confident, Jeff."

"Twenty bucks says Alex is dazed and confused after the kiss."

"You're on." Both men pulled crumpled bills out of their pockets, then snuggled in close to watch. "I hate to take your money."

"Good thing you won't have to, Dan. Don't you remember the first time you kissed Barry?"

Wrinkles of consternation appeared in Pendrell's forehead. "Damn. It is too late to back out?"

Spender bussed Pendrell's cheek. "Sorry, sweetie. Too late."

After a few minutes, Krycek and Baldwin pulled apart. Baldwin stood straight, a faint smirk on his face. Krycek staggered a little, mouth still open. "Bozhe moi," he whispered. Pendrell handed Spender the twenty. Recovering quickly, Krycek reached out and ran his thumb over Baldwin's lower lip. "I will definitely be by some night, baby."

"I might be out." Baldwin crossed his arms.

"I'll find you." Taking a deep breath, Krycek stepped back, then reached inside his jacket. "I almost forgot." Pulling something out, he tossed it to Pendrell. "Thanks for letting me borrow that. Got to go -- I just dropped by on my way to another home invasion."

"Mulder?" Spender asked.

"Nobody you know." Krycek left the room, singing as he went. "You're the first, the last..."

Pendrell looked down at the object. "My Palm Pilot. That's where it went." He fiddled with it a little. "Damn, he erased everything except this stupid game." Tossing it onto the table, he leaned back. "Where were we? How about that wine now?" He left for the kitchen.

"So, Barry, what did you think of Alex?"

Baldwin smiled. "Not bad at all. I wouldn't throw him out for picking the locks."

Empty-handed, Pendrell returned. "Alex must have taken the wine, sorry." He looked at the others and blushed a little. "Bedroom? I still have that dildo you brought over last time, Barry."

"No wonder I couldn't find it on Friday," Spender said.

"Let's try something different," Baldwin suggested as they made their way down the hall.

"Such as?"

"Hmm...three-way sixty-nine."

Spender pinched Baldwin's ass, causing him to jump. "You can't call it sixty-nine then."

Pulling back the covers, Pendrell thought a moment. "Benzene ring?" The other men laughed and pounced on him.

The cat ran back into the living room and hid under the couch.

F I N I S

Oh yeah, and Krycek for everybody else. Didja like it? Didja? 


End file.
